I feel quite negative. I didn’t realise I was such a downer! I only seem to talk about the problems, the injustice, the division in this world. I don’t offer solutions, and we must all know by now that raising awareness means jack shit. So why don’t I just bring lightness? Maybe I can start looking for happier stories, and the echo chamber will morph.
I wonder how I will feel fulfilled. Georgia, the Italian owner at my bed & breakfast tells me that as a ‘mom’ in foster home to 9 adolescent kids she found it the most fulfilling work.
The more I experience, whether that’s daily life or travelling, without recording it, or reflecting on it, makes me feel increasingly insubstantial, without weight, I’m thinking of a translucent jellyfish and I can’t find the word for it. This reminds me of my belief that the longer I went without speaking, the more my voice will be lost. Like it was all just pointless, because at least typing this out makes it feel like it becomes real. My version of putting something on social media for it to have happened.
So, let’s make something real.
I went to a town called Chamula yesterday, just outside San Cristobal de las Casas in Chiapas. Central Highlands and we’re in the mists. Apart from the Mestizos in most of Mexico, there are more indigenous-looking faces similar to those I’ve seen in documentaries on Peru - that sort of broad frame, tanned skin, dark brown long hair and red cheeks. This town is where Tzotzils live semi-autonomously, with their own language, christianity / shamanism and largely ignored by the government. Alcoholism and teenage pregnancies are common, as is a belief that Coca-Cola has mystical properties and is thus used as currency for wives and livestock, to nourish newborns and to serve in the sacrificial altar. Like other indigenous groups, they also believe photography steals their souls, and react aggressively when cameras are pointed their way, even during ceremonies and festivities in public. Their main church is a carpet of pine needles surrounded by saints in windowboxes, the carpet parting for clusters of candles around which people chant, prey, or sleep. Further on a mother cradles a chicken in readiness to pass it over her son's body, after which she wrings its neck. The son is sick, and the chicken is meant to absorb the illness, so after this it must be killed.
I later speak to a doctor who worked with patiences from this community. An elderly lady complains of heart palpitations at night, which she can only calm by drinking coca cola. He despairs. He said when he first worked with indigenous patients, he felt a solidarity and that he was doing meaningful work. His more experienced colleagues told him he'd change his mind. And sure enough, with time he did.
I can’t say I enjoyed the visit - mostly marked by hostility and I’m not sure if I imagined it but I felt like they were judging how much money I had when they asked how much the flight was to come here. If they want to be insular and don’t actually welcome visitors then why should we go and gawk at them?
Zinacantan was more welcoming, the local (men) dressed in embroidered floral capes of red, pink and purple offered us Pox, as the others danced and sang in a circle around crates of beer and Coca-cola. The women and children watched, mostly expressionless on the sidelines.
I feel even more weary about visiting a Zapatista caracol, where there’s heavily limited interaction and you just watch them go about their daily lives, not even understanding what they say so that then really feels like a zoo visit.
I feel quite disillusioned with this all. I had thought that I’d enjoy learning about cultures and traditions but if the culture means you’re born into a difficult life and are made to sell trinkets on the streets to fund your parents’ vices, if the traditions mean an early marriage so you’re not subjected to as much sexual violence, and if they believe that when they have heart palpitations from having drank too much Coca-cola, that the way to calm them down is to drink more, then where do you go from there? There’s no way to improve the situation, and staying to watch is gratuitous.
I’ve enjoyed chatting with fellow tourists more than I expected, most people I’ve come across are well-travelled and I enjoy hearing about their opinions on different countries. I think at this stage of my life I would suit workaways better.